It's the last day of the month!

Update: Giants won today!

Unfortunately I was too busy today to spend much quality time watching the game, but I'm happy they won.

Something happened to the internet connection at my boss' house (yes, it is crazy, but our "corporate" server resides at his home!) so working was truly painful as every application we use was ridiculously slow.

I got the funniest email from the IT Director of a large East Coast University who had all but promised to purchase software from me by the end of April. He wrote me a 3 paragraph email that was basically a sob story about why he could not buy now but needed to wait until July 1 (school budgets are weird).

Too funny... I have never received an email like that before. I ended up working with him to commit to a purchase so he could secure the "special deal" that expires at the end of today. Truth be told, I wouldn't have cared if the order were to arrive tomorrow, but I felt like I should get the signed piece of paper just in case.

I really like this man and I intend to do everything I can to ensure things go smoothly for them. It is so refreshing to deal with a prospect who is honest, upfront and even HUMAN. He also bent over backward to get me what I needed, so I felt a sense of respect I usually do not get.

Baseball in the Afternoon

I'm getting ready to watch the final game of the Giants vs. Rockies series... I love day baseball and luckily since I work from home, I can have the game on in the background while I work (sshhh! Don't tell my boss!)

I am pleasantly surprised by how well the Giants are doing this year. I truly thought they would be an embarrassment to the Bay Area. Instead, they are young, scrappy, and eager to win. It's also fun to see so many of the young'uns stealing bases all the time -- we sure didn't have much of THAT the past few years.

Management seems committed to doing what they need to do to win as well. Barry Zito (see my blog on 4.23.2008) has been demoted to the Bull Pen -- as my KNBR morning guys say, "thank you GOD!" (you gotta hear the sound byte to get the full effect).

I'm not dumb enough to believe they have a chance at the playoffs, but hey, it's a start!

The right verdict

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/29/BAKU10DLNG.DTL&tsp=1

I am surprised by the news that the jury found him guilty of 1st degree murder, given no body has been found... but I'm happy with their decision.

There was just too much circumstantial evidence. I have been following this murder story and trial. It is shocking to me that this happened right here in the Bay Area and Nina seemed like someone who I could be friends with.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I found myself a bit envious of the check out gal at Safeway this morning. She has been working there for many years so she knows me by now -- it's kinda creepy how grocery store checkout folks know so much about their clientele based on their purchases. I digress.

I don't even know this gal's name, but she is eternally friendly, cheerful and has that "customer service atttude" that never seems to wane... regardless of what crazy, grocery store related dilemmas occur.

Sometimes I miss that job where at the end of your day or shift, you truly leave work behind. In the corporate world, our careers encompasses every aspect of life. No escape... we dream (or have nightmares!) about it, we research ways to be better at it, etc. Most importantly our work affords us the ability to enjoy life outside of the office

I have literally done it ALL in my life so far: waitress (seriously... the. most. stressful. job), pants presser at the dry cleaners, newspaper delivery gal, catering assistant, receptionist, games attendant at Great America, house cleaner, I have even cleaned test tubes before!

I'm proud of my "checkered past" and it does make me appreciate my current career, but there are times when I miss the low stress, low commitment, low brain power situation...

But I also know that given the choice to go back, I wouldn't!!

Ironic

I heard this morning that the "Free Tibet" flags many protesters are waving... were made in China!

Roller Coaster Ride

I'm having a rough morning. After another fun filled weekend, I should be feeling energized and inspired. Instead I feel drained and empty.

I get too optimistic about stuff then when things don't work out... well, let's just say I don't deal well with disappointment. When I want something, I typically get it... usually I get what I want by working hard, persevering, drive, discipline, etc.

With the situation I'm in currently, I have no control of anything that happens. I have given the controls to my doctors, I've cut out caffeine and alcohol, started eating healthier than ever and I pop vitamins like crazy. What else can I do?

The waiting game

Looks like my eggs are happy as can be, comfy cozy, hanging out in my ovaries for now. I am thinking I may as well move into the Reproductive Science Center as the new instructions are for me to come back tomorrow if I get a positive OPK reading and Wednesday no matter what. As if I have nothing better to do! Don't people work?!? Cause really this stuff ain't cheap. I pay a copayment each visit and the costs are starting to add up - thank goodness insurance is covering 95% of treatment cost!

I tell all my friends with kids trying to figure out what to do with their lives.... get into the fertility industry -- there is MONEY to be made, my friends.

So confused...

I love V, she's my personal fertility expert. Today, she sent me a vague email alluding to something called, "self-guided work" -- as something I should be doing right now in light of my situation. huh?

She's at work right now so I'm having a hard time getting a clear answer... but my head is spinning wondering what I'm supposed to be doing that I'm not. No wonder I'm having such a difficult time with all this!!

Time for patience.

Patience...

... is not my forte. I am all about immediate gratification. When I want something, I want it yesterday.

Today was the first day I was supposed to use an OPK (ovulation predictor kit) and the test read positive. Trying not to get too excited, I had to stare at the two pink lines for a while. I had never seen a positive ovulation reading before (over 6 months of testing). As per direction from my doctor, I went in for an exam. Turns out it was a false positive. Man, talk about disappointment. The good news is things are "happening" and they expect a true positive sometime this weekend... But now I have to wait again (sigh).

I am in big trouble cause if my patience is wearing thing NOW... Boy oh boy. Let's face it, the ovulation piece of the puzzle is a minor part of the ENTIRE process...

$126 Million

... that is the amount of money the Giants are paying one pitcher (Barry Zito) over 7 years. Can someone please pay ME $126 Million for 7 years? jeez, I'd settle for 1 Million.

Here's the deal, the guy stinks. He hasn't won a single game yet all season and he is the first pitcher in Giants history since the 1920's to start with a 0-5 record. I would feel like a criminal if I were him for pulling off such a scam. Or maybe I should look at this from the other side and ask, "how could the Giants be so stupid to give him so much money?"

The reason he got the contract in the first place was due to his proven excellence pitching for the A's.

Listening to my boys on KNBR, I hear so many theories as to why he's in such a slump... if you can call it that (jeez, it's been over a year now since he's been with the Giants):

- Some folks are saying he's not comfortable as an "Ace" (yeah, the Giants still call him their Ace pitcher, hello!?!? anybody home?) -- he feels more comfortable under the radar (hello?!?! you're in the Major League, buddy!).

- Some say he's trying too hard. Oh my gosh, if that's the case, I'd hate to see him when he stops trying.

- There is speculation that he has lost his core strength due the fact that he no longer surfs (The Giants made him agree not to surf during the term of his contract as prevention against injury). Brian Murphy on KNBR joked that perhaps Zito needs to go out and surf and... ahem... get himself on the DL.. (of course he was joking!)

Etc, etc... People love to have an "explanation". I don't really care about explanations. In this world, it's about productivity and performance. Those who are productive and perform well succeed... right?

I know that they can't take the money back, but why the heck don't they let the younger pitchers have a chance to win his title?

The Giants are giving kids the messsage that hard work and performance means nothing. Get that big contract then rest on your laurels, young lads.

Happiness is...

I have always loved Charles Schultz' notion of simple pleasures.

Happiness is... watching your beloved dog run through the meadow... in tall grass so all you see is the crown of her head and flopping ears emerge every second or so as she pops up to get a quick view.

I better go find the anti-tick spray!

Not your girly girl

Today Pete and I were noticing how filthy dirty the bedding (where Lucy sleeps) has gotten. Pete noted that he'd given her a bath two times in the past few days.

This dog loves to be as dirty as possible. As soon as she possibly can after getting a bath, she'll go outside and roll around in the dirt.

I said to Pete, "you'd think she'd get a clue that she's just going to get more baths if he keeps getting dirty". Pete said, "she's probably saying the same thing about us."

Wiki

What a fun word. Makes me think about Hawaiian dances or something. I spent some time on various "Wiki"s this weekend... let's see, there's Wikipedia, Wikihow, Wiktionary and a bunch of others. The concept is each site is a giant online resource that can be edited by virtually anyone. So it's a continually evolving project.

Anyhoo, I wanted to do some research before showing up to the Seder, so I searched on "Passover" and "Seder". I found myself reading an article, "how to be a respectful Non-Jew at a Seder" -- perfect! It actually wasn't terribly useful given the article was geared for a more traditional Seder.

I found myself getting sucked in big time. You can read about one topic and they always give you links to other "similar" topics. Somehow, I found myself reading, "how to be liked" (!!!) and "how to be popular but not mean". Are you kidding me? If ONLY Wiki existed when I was in high school. Kids these days really have it easy.

I'm off to read about "how to pass time when bored." I'll keep you posted.

Monday Monday

No... I didn't win the lottery. C'mon now...You KNOW I would not be sitting here at my desk at 8:40am writing in my Blog if I HAD won. ; )

Anyways, it's Monday morning. Mondays are always the worst for me as the long week ahead seems so daunting and unsurmountable.

Luckily I tend to pack things in over the weekend... and as usual, it was a satisfying weekend full of fun, time with friends, chill out time with Pete & Lucy and as much outdoor activity as I could handle, given it was oh so COLD. I got used to the 85 degree weather we experienced the previous weekend and I'm quick to get spoiled.

Saturday night, Pete & I attended a Passover Seder. We felt very honored to be invited to a family event. I had never been to a Seder before, so I assumed it would be a very religious experience.

If you have never been to a Jewish Seder, it's a ritualistic ceremony commemorating the freedom of slaves in Egypt and the liberation of Israelites. There are rules regarding what is acceptable to eat and the event follows a procedure that is dictated in a book called the "Haggadeh". Certain foods are eaten in a special sequence symbolizing aspects of the historical event. For example, at one point, we ate matzo with "mortar" -- symbolizing the mortar the Jews had used to build pyramids. This mortar was a ground paste made from almonds, berries and other items. It was quite tasty... kind of reminded me oatmeal. Everyone participated in the ceremony, reading passages from the Haggadeh at designated times. The main purpose of the Seder is to ensure the younger generations retain the Jewish History and tradition. Considering everyone is an active participant, I am sure young children learn and retain the knowledge as they participate year by year.

I had no idea that this would be one of the most fun Holiday events I had experienced in a long time! Of course, I do believe the reason why it was such fun is our hostesses are very non-traditional Jews. They are also quite easy going with a great senses of humor. The family members all joked and laughed heartily during the entire 3 hour event. This was no somber event.

Oh, and the food was DELICOUS!

A Girl Can Dream...

Check it out. This morning, I went to 7-11 to check my lottery tickets and one of the tickets awarded me $48!

So, this afternoon I went back (slurpee time) and I thought, "what the heck?" so I plopped down $5 for a quick pick ticket.

Come to find out the jackpot for tonight is $48M...

Hello?!?! Is this an omen?

T.G.I.F. - Reflecting on Technology

Whew! Glad the weekend is here. I don't know if it's the economy but things have slowed down for me, big time. As a Salesperson who relies on commissions to meet my salary requirements, that is NOT a good thing.

I try to spend some time each day researching what could possibly be the next hot product or technology. It gets confusing because the needs of my customers (IT Directors, CIOs, etc) are vastly different from the technology trends I'm noticing that pertain to things I'm interested in: Blogging, Online Communities, Online Networking, etc. And, let's face it, I spend a lot of time participating in the things that I'm interested in!

Makes me wonder if I could be MORE [productive, inspired, successful, happy] if my career better reflected my interests? I digress. Perhaps I'm thinking too much.

I have always been fascinated by technology. From the day, as a child, my dad brought home our new Commodore-64 computer. I loved that thing. I learned to program in BASIC on it and I spent hours playing a very rudimentary version of Frogger. I am giggling as I recall the black screen with the "frogs" (green colored x marks) with no other graphics whatsoever.

It amazes me how far we've come. Nowadays, I don't think I could survive 2 days without Internet access...

Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball just to get a glimpse of "what's next".

Here are a few of the things that I would like to see in the near future:

1. Free Global Wifi (so I don't have to travel from coffee shop to coffee shop searching for reliable internet access when mine goes down)

2. Handheld Computer -- perhaps it will be a cellphone/PDA/MP3 player as well. I am thinking it needs to have a USB port so you could simply plug in your removable disc that has all of your pertinent files. I'm talking just like your laptop but small enough to put in your purse.

3. Faster EVERYTHING - Internet access, Processor speed, etc. I think I might have A.D.D., I get so impatient sometimes waiting for my computer to respond.

That's it! Nothing too far-fetched -- just simple things that would help my productivity level.

I found the following presentation online, Technology Trends

The author is one of those Internet Guru types, I hadn't heard of him before... but I did find the slideshow thought - provoking.

For one, I think it will be interesting to see how things develop with the various Social Networking sites out there (consolidation?) and where they go from here.

Also, the concept of Open Standards intrigues me. My last gig was at an Open Source Software Company, GroundWork Open Source , so I understand and embrace the notion of open standards. It does seem like a very slow shift is occurring from a dominant Windows world to an Open Source world (like Google).

I guess we just gotta wait and see.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Speaking of baby mamas....

Of course, I can't wait to see the movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0871426/

baby mamas vs. non-baby mamas

I'm making a conscious effort to get emails out to Kathy more frequently (see previous blog entry).

I just received an email from her and I had to highlight stuff that she wrote. Kathy has an amazing way of wording things so you go, "that's exactly what I meant!" - must be her Marketing background.

"...my eggs are mine, and yours are yours, and I am always happy when sperms and eggs meet successfully – it gives me hope. Nobody gets pregnant just to show someone else up. And one person getting pregnant doesn’t mean there are less pregnancy opportunities for other people...."

Kathy and I have had many discussions around how people in this world seem to think it is quite acceptable to ask about baby plans pretty much immediately upon a married couple's return from their honeymoon. The Honeymoon return occurred many years ago for both of us... so you can imagine the number of times we've fielded the question.

Guess a couples' sexual behavior and activity is now a public topic for discussion. Not to mention, how does anyone know that the couple hasn't just miscarried, or perhaps learned that they are infertile? I could see myself bursting out in tears if that were the case.

In addition, we've noticed some interesting behavior amongst the women in our network of friends.

The ones who have gotten pregnant and had babies, seem to have risen to a new level of existence than us non-baby mamas. These gals meet up for playdates and have their own secret language that revolves around their respective babies, breast feeding, elite preschools, etc, etc.

Olive branch emails and voicemail messages sent by the non-baby mamas to the baby mamas go unreturned. After all, we are lowly non-baby mamas.... we certainly don't deserve the respect of a response. Silly me!

It will be interesting to see how things progress as baby mamas children grow up and non-baby mamas become baby mamas....

Guess the moral of the story is we are all evolving, constantly changing individuals, and friends come and go.

I am thinking that my true friends will still be worth sending olive branch emails to when I'm old and gray.

Different forms of therapy

My friend Kathy found my blog the other day. I got an email from her that read, "I see now why I haven't been getting emails that reveal your deepest thoughts as often, cause you've been blogging instead". DOH! Busted.

I emailed her right back to say, "not to worry, Blogging sure ain't no replacement for YOU!" (what a shmoozer I am, huh?) But really, and I said this to her... I have really enjoyed my past month or so of blogging. It's a good break and gives me something else to focus on - besides work - during the day.

I made a promise to myself to create at least one blog entry each weekday. I find myself thinking about what I should write while on my daily walk with Lucy... Much of the time I write pure crap, but I try to mix it up with postings that are meaningful or speak from the heart.

The title of my blog is "random thoughts from a random mind". Seriously, ideas and topics pop into my brain at random times, and it's great to be able to get these thoughts out and onto the great information highway.

I really have Ayelet to thank for my "new form of therapy". If it wasn't for her inspirational and pretty amazing Blog, I would not have had the motivation to get mine back in shape.

The reality is my email conversations with Kathy are another form of therapy for me. Over the past 10 years or so, Kathy and I have had an email correspondence that is truly special. I'm talking multiple paragraphs at a time. Sometimes we'd write back and forth to each other 2 or 3 times a day... now we're lucky to get 2 or 3 emails a week from each other.

Back then, we were single, so our discussions revolved around boys, happy hours, dating rules, etc. Now as two happily married and childless women, our conversations are a bit different. Nowadays we talk about the baby vs. non-baby divide we are starting to notice amongst our group of friends, our careers, and how we don't have nearly as much time these days to write to each other (see.... it's not just me and my blog!)

I will always treasure this relationship I have with a great friend who I do not get a chance to see often enough, but I always know what's going on in her life and vice versa.

Hopefully this entry doesn't fall into the "crap" category! : )

Definition of a friend

I've been browsing Wikipedia today, trying to find some inspiration to write about. Here is a good definition of friendship. My great friends definitely meet the criteria. When's National Friendshp Day? Does that exist?

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:
the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
sympathy and empathy,
honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
mutual understanding.

Say Anything

My boy Brian Murphy (those of you regulars KNOW all about my girly crush on this man... Pete knows not to worry, it's just a girly crush, never to be acted upon... jeez, it's not like he would give me the time of the day ANYWAYS, calm down people).

Where was I?

Oh yes, this morning on the "top 6 news stories" on KNBR, Murph talked about how these days, you just ain't nobody unless you have a stalker.

C'mon now, how many times have you heard in recent months of celebrities and their stalkers... suing their stalkers, getting restraining orders on their stalkers, etc... ?? it is getting a bit old.

BUT of course, when Murph talks about it, it sounds really cool, exciting, fun and noteworthy. I want a stalker too, dammit!

Today Murph revealed that John Cusack is the newest celebrity to report a stalker.

HELLO? has anybody seen, "Say Anything"? If I knew where that boy lived, hell, I might be a stalker myself.

The 30 second story on KNBR really got me thinking about John Cusack. Murph talked about how he thought the female stalker could quite possibly be his OWN wife who apparently has a similar taste in men as I do.... L.O.L.

Murph's wife (who, BTW, sounds like a strong, smart woman who I would probably get along marvelously with), stated that the appeal of Cusack is that he's not the super handsome, hot, got it together guy (a la George Clooney), but instead, he's the reclusive, silent, and a bit socially inexperienced guy.

The kinda guy women feel CERTAIN that they (and only THEY of course) can bring out of his shell.

I can't speak for all of you gals, but what woman would not melt upon looking out their window to see John Cusack standing defiantly outside their childhood home with a ginormous boombox blasting, "In Your Eyes"???

You are so LYING if you say NO.

Speaking of Luck...

Last summer, I had bandaids on my knees and I'm scarred as a result of having fallen regularly on the morning walk with Lucy. I don't know if it is my balance, bad ankles or what?

Of course, I have been doing the same walk with Lucy every morning all winter long (bundled in layers of sweats of course). I have not tripped, stumbled or fallen kersplat on the concrete, not once.

So check it out, the moment it gets hot and I wear shorts, BOOM... I fall and I now have two skinned knees. DOH!

The Plan

I had grand plans over the next week or so, but I must now put question marks next to each event on my calendar.


My new doctor gave me "the plan" today.... Ouch, I think they now own my life.


Last weekend, I had dragged my sweet husband to a cold, sterile, lab so we could get a boatload of blood tests done. No kidding, these people mean business. I left the room woozy after the lab technician drew 6 vials of blood out of me. I think Pete had 5 vials drawn.


The reason for the blood tests were to check to make sure neither of us are inflicted with any infectious diseases. Why should they care? They want proof that we are clean, in the event we try to sue them for giving one of us something during treatment! Man, I forget what a litigious world we live in.


I thought we were done with the red tape, but now they need us to come in to sign consent forms this Saturday (of course I had made plans for that day) -- it's not good enough if we were to sign and fax the forms in. NO... the forms must be signed in their presence -- you know how I am, forging Pete's name all the time. ; )


I start the drugs on Thursday - two a day for 5 days - then wait a few days, then at day 11, I gotta start testing. The moment I get a positive reading, I need to come in to get an ultrasound.


OF COURSE, knowing me and my luck, it will EITHER happen on day 11 (the day I have plans to attend the kick off party for the SF International film festival) OR on day 13 (the day I have plans to go to a music festival in Livermore).

(sigh)

I guess my doctors are just preparing me for what's in store in the event all of this works -- yeah, that's right: no life!!

The Last Lecture

I am reading a great book. It's about a professor at Carnegie Mellon University who learns that he has pancreatic cancer and has only 3 months to live.

He has 3 young children and is happily married.

I just started reading the book and he describes how hard it is to decide just how to spend the little time he has left.

Of course there are things he would like to teach his children. As well as conversations that, as a father, he wants to have with them, that they just aren't ready for.

He decides to present a series of lectures as a final statement to fulfill his last personal wish and objective. He would also record the lectures for his children to experience after he passes.

Time is of the essence, in this case.

I have a feeling this book will be an inspirational one. I'll write more as I continue to read.

Check it out on Amazon,

The visitor

I had a very welcome visitor today... Auntie Flow!

How normal am I?! : )

Two months in a row and just 1 day apart... That means a 31 day cycle, I guess?

I will start the drugs again on Wednesday.

Fingers crossed...

Here we go again...

I went on a fabulous hike this morning with one of my more inspiring women friends.... damn this girl is impressive. Anyhoo, we talked, cried, and therapatized (and I do not care if that is NOT a real word!).

Amy is the gal who lost her ex husband two weekends ago... she filled me in on some shocking details that have me in a very pensive mood... as well as scratching my head. (MEN, need I say more? although that topic should be reserved for another blog entry).

It is amazing to me how much this woman has been through but she is one of the strongest women I know. Definitely a model for who I aspire to be.

The hike was quite a cathartic event for both of us... the two of us huffing and puffing (okay, just ME), laying it all out in the open, bouncing thoughts and feelings off of each other..... all in the blazing heat (yes, it reached 88 degrees today... on April 12?).

After two hours of blood, sweat and tears (yeah, I exaggerate.... so?!?!?) I felt great... cleansed and ready to conquer the world.

After the hike, we stopped off at Diablo Foods as I wanted to pick up a "princess cake" for my friend Anna. Her birthday is April 15 (yeah, unfortunate!) and we planned to go to dinner that evening.

I dropped Amy off and listened to my voicemail. I had turned off my phone so I hadn't received the call, but I found myself listening to the most heartwrenching voicemail message. It was Anna... tearfully informing me that her dad had passed away the night before.

It was probably the longest message I'd ever received from my great friend (a bridesmaid at my wedding) who I have always admired for her strength and level-headedness. Within moments, I too, found myself in tears. Her father had been battling Parkinson's Disease and his condition had worsened in the past 6 months.

I did get a chance to chat with Anna today and I reminded her that he lived a long life and she did everything in her power to go home (South Dakota is quite far from California) as often as possible to be by his side. In fact, she and her sister had visited just last weekend. He died peacefully and my feeling is that he may have had no more strength in him to fight to live. Anna said he hadn't been eating and he had been bed-ridden. It was time to go.

Having lost my father and my experience when he passed (a bit fuzzy 18 years later), I tried as hard as I could to offer her any tidbit of positivity to help her through this sad time. But I felt at a loss for words. She had many questions for me and I realized that I've let my memories of my dad and the experience of loss fade. I was a baby at 19 years old. How can I realize those memories again?

Life goes on. It's a sad fact and something Amy, her daughters, and Anna will come to find out.

Amy asked me today if I felt that my dad was in heaven, following what was going on in our lives. I told her that I do believe. I believe he knows, and is aware of what we're up to. Of course I hope he is proud. I am not a religious person by any means... go figure.

One very overwhelming thought I had all day after speaking with Anna is this: she & her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while. Wouldn't it be symbolic if she got pregnant now?

3 Great words

I will never forget these three words. When I was a child, my dad told me that these three words were his favorite words of all time.

He had great taste.... I do feel like these are words that should be used as much as possible, when appropriate, of course!

1. Nincompoop.
noun
a stupid foolish person

She was a nincompoop to believe the Giants would win the game.

2. Titillation.
c.1425, "pleasing excitement," from L. titillationem (nom. titillatio) "a tickling," noun of action from titillare "to tickle," imitative of giggling.

My husband seems to gain much titillation at my expense.

3. Discombobulated.
adjective
having self-possession upset; thrown into confusion; "the hecklers pelted the discombobulated speaker with anything that came to hand"; "looked at each other dumbly, quite disconcerted"- G.B.Shaw

The Olympic Torch Bearers were discombobulated by Gavin Newsom's change of plans.

And while I'm on the topic....

A couple of days ago, I blogged about friendship. As you all know, it's a topic that has been on my mind lately, in light of recent events.

One of my favorite girls, Ayelet, sent me the link to a website for Women on the Web (Apparently they wanted to use the domain: dot.WOW.dot.com but it was already taken as an adult website! So... wowowow.com it is!

It's great site for thought provoking women, like A & I, to learn about the opinions and sentiments of like minded women as well as share our own thoughts. The site features a panel of strong and well-respected women who initiate topics of conversation, debatable issues, and questions to ponder. Registered members of the site can pipe in and contribute their 2 cents, providing content on the web. I love it!

Today, I found the following conversation topic.

http://www.wowowow.com/conversation/friendship-family-gossip-Texas

The title called out at me. And I feel it is so true. I once saw a gimmicky t-shirt that read, "Friends are God's reward for punishing us with Family" -- that is a bit much in my opinion, but I did get a good laugh! ; )

Mr. B

I'm having a very reflective week as many of you know.

Seriously, the I LOVE YOU, MAN! emails I sent to almost all of my friends and family members were NOT a result of some afternoon drinking binge, rather a knee jerk reaction to an emotional day that truly caught me off guard. I thought, " it's a funeral for someone I don't even know... I'll show up in support for my friend and get on with my day - never mind the chapel was so mobbed I didn't even get a chance to give her my condolences."

Whoa... hold on, not so fast. I stepped into the chapel and like a ton of bricks, emotions hit me I hadn't felt in years. I listened to my friend's speech.... truly a brave endeavor given it had been her decision to ask for a divorce just a year ago and most of the funeral attendees were his family members, who were certainly not shy about expressing their disapproval regarding the divorce. I admire her honest and touching memorial of a man who was clearly the love of her life. People evolve... it's life and it makes me sad that his family could not find a way in their hearts to accept the decisions that were made in the past.

But, I digress.

Beethoven (AKA Mr. B) is the topic for today. Another friend of mine lost her cat to cancer (what a week!) and I realized that my days with Beethoven are numbered. So, I felt like I should write a little something on behalf of my partially senile cat, who I love like a family member.

This cat has been with me through thick and thin... literally. I got the little man when I was in college, just 20 years old, I felt like such a mature adult. I shared an apartment with my boyfriend at the time. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, thus he named Beethoven, after Beethoven the dog, yeah, that's right, the big St. Bernard in that popular movie from the early 90's. I'm still scratching my head.

Beethoven has been through it all. A shy kitten, he was traumatized early on. Boyfriend and I went on a mini-vacation and left my friend Seema and her group of boypals to babysit. Years later I learned that in a drunken stupor, they had duct taped baby B to a swivel chair, twirled him 'round and 'round and watched as he dizzily tried to run away. How messed up is that? As I write this, I find myself getting mad. But as Seema is a childhood friend, we forgive and forget.

No wonder poor Beethoven always ran and hid whenever someone came over to visit.

Beethoven lived with me in Davis, my tiny studio in Sacramento, my even tinier closet size "studio" in San Francisco.... then life got good: after Pete and I moved in together, he lived in a palatial 2 bedroom apartment in Tiburon, and now heaven: our house in Alamo with the big backyard. Sometimes I find him rolling around in the grass like the king that he is.

Life changed suddenly for Beethoven about 2 1/2 years ago. Lucy the precocious, hyperactive, fast-moving, sharp-as-a-tack Boston Terrior arrived. Oh, it was an adjustment. Luckily Beethoven still has his claws intact and little Lucy learned at an early age NOT to mess with Mr. B.

At 17 years old, and with little Lucy demanding as much attention as she does - oh, and she's too cute not to warrant it - Beethoven often times is forgotten, an afterthought. Except when Beethoven is hungry. Then EVERYBODY knows it. He's relentless, "Meow, Meow, Meow (rubs up to leg), Meow, Meow (rubs up to leg)". He knows what needs to be done to get what he wants. There is no way some punk dog is going to get in the way of mealtime, oh no, siree!

I've started taking more pictures of Beethoven. I will try to post some on my blog. I can't bear to think about the day when Beethoven is no longer in our lives but I do know this cat has lived a great life, I'm sure he has used most of his 9....

Friendship

I have some amazing friends. I have been thinking alot about friendships after realizing that someone I considered to be a friend does not reciprocate that sentiment. I realize that I need to be more selective over who I spend my valuable time with. Friendships should be mutually supportive, respectful, non-judgmental in nature. Most of my friendships are based on such simple principles.

One of my true and dear friends, Victoria, sent me the following:

We don't get to have friends who stay with us for a long time often, and as years go by I value my friendship with girls like you more, because we will always be friends and that's not very common these days. People tend to be flaky and they come and go. and sometimes they grow apart. So it's really important to keep those who are close to us, who have seen us through good and bad close by. And we have to take friends for what they are, with traits that we like and with traits we disagree on. Good friends are like family members, you love them but also get annoyed by things you don't like about them...., Then there are other types of friends who kind of fade away with time, they just don't seem to care about you or be interested in your life, those we call them good ridden. You know who i'm talking about! :)

Victoria and I have had many discussions about "friends" who have faded away as she describes.
We are constantly evolving individuals and sometimes friends come to us to serve a specific purpose and once that purpose has been met, both parties move on. Such is life.

But the true friends who remain through good & bad, richer & poorer, are those to hold on to.

Like a Drug

Last Sunday, Lucy and I went to the Lafayette Reservoir to hike the rim. It's a 2 hour hike and I had lunch plans with my mom so I had to rush.

We ended up running 3/4 of the hike (usually it takes 2 hours to hike, but running knocked our time down to 1 hour 20 minutes).

What a rush!

I haven't run in at least a year due to recurring running related injuries. I had made the decision to put away my running shoes and go into retirement.

But last Sunday, running at the top of the ridge viewing the amazing sights and feeling my breathing settle into the runner's zone.... I forgot how much I truly love to run.

All of my problems dissolve, life seems a little bit clearer, I feel truly healthy, and nothing else matters but one foot in front of another.... and whatever song is playing on the iPod.

I came home and told Pete. He laughed and asked me if there are any marathons in my future?

Let's take this one day at a time shall we? We had a good laugh as we agreed that my mom would probably disown me if I signed up for a marathon about now.

Good times.

New Day

It's a new day and I am in a much happier frame of mind today.

Oh, check it out: the Giants won last night's game vs. the Padres.... Benjie Molina hit a game ending Home Run in the 11th inning! Whoa, baby. Apparently Benjie hit two home runs yesterday - and I was laughing that he is their "clean up" hitter - shame on me! : )

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about friendship and the people in my life who truly keep me sane and jazzed about life. I have some truly amazing, inspirational, and wonderful friends. I need to cherish the friendships based on mutual respect, honesty and acceptance. I also need to recognize the non-reciprocated "friendships" and value myself and my time more wisely.

Life is too short not to spend it with the people you love, who love you back.

Life is precious.

I went to a funeral today... it was the second funeral I have ever been to in my life, both were memorials for lives which ended way too soon.

This event truly affected me. I don't know if it is unresolved emotions from my father's death. I just KNOW what is in store for these girls (age 13 & 17) , and it breaks my heart. Every milestone they achieve will be diminished to some extent because their dad wasn't there to experience it with them: First day at college, graduation, their first job, engagement to that perfect guy, marriage....

SO... my words of advice to Alyssa and Erica: live life to the fullest.... for your dad and cherish the memories you have.

Opening Day

I got to the city early this morning -- wanted to avoid traffic and ensure I could find a reliable spot to log in so I could get some work done before taking off for an annual tradition -- Opening Day at PacBell - oops, AT&T - Park.

Pete has been to Opening Day every year since the ball park opened. I have been to every Opening Day, except the very first. I just love the excitement and sense of optimism in the air. Fans dressed out in Orange and Black. The park always seems brand new again.

It could not be a more gorgeous day. As I walked from my parking spot ($10 all day, yipee!) toward the ballpark, the sun was starting to rise above the Oakland Hills. I had a little moment where I thought, how wonderful would it be to have a little one with me to share the experience? Guess the "mommy urges" are stirring in me more often now! : )

There is not a cloud in the sky. I had to do a little walk around the ball park, just for memories sake. It wasn't long ago that I worked across the street and spent many days walking around the park at lunch. I noted that the crew was already out getting the field ready for this afternoon. Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have such a seemingly laidback job.

I am now situated at Panera Bread where they have free wifi, good coffee & snacks and loads of space... but I am having a hard time concentrating on work. I feel like a little kid getting excited for the baseball season.

I need to cherish this feeling because I suspect I will experience different emotions this afternoon.... in light of the Giants' talent level this year. : (

I can't escape it..... GO GIANTS!

Life is Precious

It didn't seem real until I saw this,

http://www.legacy.com/contracostatimes/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=107040665

It's also a strange feeling cause I had only met him once but I do know that this is just such a life changing event for Amy and her daughters. Life as they know it will never be the same.

I won't be able to attend the service but Amy and her family will continue to remain in my thoughts. I have full faith that this experience will only strengthen their bond as a family.

The power of the 'net

I am following a discussion list thread on my favorite social networking site, Yelp. I think I'm addicted to this freaking site, but that is the topic for another blog entry. : )

Yelp has this feature called, "talk". Anyone who is a Yelp member (free of course) can post topics for discussion, open to public viewing and response by other members. I love it. I have seen some random posts like, "what should I cook for dinner?", "Things to say to the UPS man" or even a recent post, "I just got dumped via text message". I find myself getting sucked into the most obscure topics of discussion. It fascinates me the power of the internet to facilitate such discussions and of course the key driver here is that folks aren't "discussing" face-to-face.

As such, you can imagine there are many pretty risque conversations which develop....

A couple of weeks ago, a woman posted a talk entry titled, "Help find Bongo!! Please!!". With your profile, you can include a picture and next to this woman's entry displayed the most adorable fluffy white with black patches dog. Naturally, I had to read the thread.

Apparently this woman went on a trip to Florida. Her dog, Bongo, missing her so, went on a mission to find her. She learned that the dog had run away while away in Florida. Feeling helpless 3000 miles away, she posted on Yelp to request the assistance of other San Franciscan Yelpers to aid in her search. This posting triggered hundreds of Yelpers to respond, offer condolences, and promises to help find Bongo. I added my two cents: something along the lines of, "as a dog owner, my heart goes out to you... blah blah blah".

I found myself continually searching for the thread to see if any new updates had emerged. It almost became an obsession. And I wasn't alone, I started to see the same members writing in snippets of good thoughts and suggestions, "put up fliers at all of the dog parks", "Bongo will be back, keep the faith".

Although I'm sure Bongo's mommy will not be content until Bongo is safe and sound at home, but I'm sure it must be a great feeling to continually receive such support.

The other day, I found a new feature on Yelp Talk!.... it's a little check box for each topic enabling you to be emailed anytime a new entry is posted. Nice! So, I added checked the box for Bongo's thread. Now I get the replies sent directly in my inbox.

Now, every time I get a message from Yelp re: "Help Find Bongo!!" I have to stop everything I'm doing to see if Bongo has been found. Obsessive ? A bit. But, come on, these days with technology and the internet changing the way people work and interact socially, any means toward a sense of community is a good thing in my opinion.

It's been two weeks, so I'm sure either Bongo has a new home or he's in doggy heaven, but I am still thinking positively for Bongo and his mommy.

Panic Attack!

Okay maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit, but I am nervous.

I am signed up for a poker tournament tonight and my palms are already sweaty just thinking about it. Poker is just not my thing. Unfortunately, it IS my wonderful husband's THING as well as my boss' THING.

My boss hosts a bi-monthly poker tourney at his home and it is pretty much a requirement that I attend. I would have a blast if I could simply show up, drink some wine and pal around with the fun (mostly men) poker players.

Unfortunately that kind of behavior is poo-poo'd and I must play. I can honestly think of dozens of not-so-fun activies I'd rather be doing than play poker: scrub my bathroom floor and toilet, clean the garage, write an essay on the history of Lithuania...

I am just not good at any of the skills associated with being a good poker player: counting cards, probability, keeping track of which card combinations are better than others, BLUFFING... the whole situation just unnerves me.

I have a little "cheat sheet" in front of me that I'm trying to memorize for tonight. Here are the hands that I should bet on - any pair, any suited connector (7 & 8 of diamonds), any suite Ace (Ace & 3 of clubs), any Ace + a 10, Jack, Queen or King. Can I write this on my palm for reference tonight?

Even if I could memorize all the "rules", when it comes around to my turn, I always need to pause and think before I make a move. The others start rolling their eyes which makes me even more nervous. Then, since I don't really know what I'm doing and I'm pretty much whinging it... I'll make bonehead moves. Randomly I'll decide, "hey, maybe I can bluff and win this hand?" Of course, it never works out to my advantage.

My performance at these poker parties agitates my husband to no end. He does not understand my lack of interest or ability in this game. We have had some of our nastiest fights on the drive home from these poker parties. Dude, aren't there more important things in life to care about?!?!?

Like I said, Poker is not my thing. Wish me luck guys!

What's Normal?

Definitely not me!

It's funny, we spend much of our younger years trying to fit in and to "be normal"...

Then we grow up, develop our unique styles and personalities. We then work extra hard to demonstrate what makes us different from everyone else. We no longer want to be a face in the crowd, but instead, someone "special".

I've been thinking a lot about the term "normal" because for the past few months, I've wanted desperately to be "normal". Let me add some context... I seem to be inflicted with some kind of (medical?) condition and my body is just not cooperating when it comes to, oh, let's just say, the basic female functions. I have doctors helping me but everyone is scratching their heads and I am starting to feel like a freak!! Well not really... but it does cross my mind. : )

I know I'm not alone. I google my symptoms and read tons of blogs, discussion lists, articles, etc. and I know that there are many women out there going through similar issues... to be honest, most of the stories I have read describe situations that are much worse than mine!

All I can do is keep thinking positively and forge ahead. Hopefully I can get back to "normal"sometime soon!

Haters

There is a mean man on a bike who yells at Lucy every morning. It makes me furious as you can imagine.

This man does not like the fact that Lucy is off leash, never mind it is 5:30am and there is nobody around.

What a bully! She's 2o pounds to his 200 pounds (I'm guessing). He rides his bike without a headlight and feels like it is his right to yell at dogs. A dog who does not make the decision as to whether or not it should be off leash.

I would feel better if he yelled at me. You'd think he'd feel like a complete nincompoop for yelling at such a small dog.

Every morning, this man scares me as he comes out of nowhere, barrelling down the trail. With my headphones on, I usually don't hear him until he is whizzing by screaming at Lucy to get out of the way. NOTE: Lucy is never ever ON the paved trail, instead she's off trail, sniffing other dog smells, chasing squirrels and exploring.

For the most part, the folks we meet on our trail take one look at Lucy and quite simply, fall in love. There are exceptions.

Bike Bully is the worst.... but there are others who do not embrace the sweetness, cuteness and eager-to-please-ness that is Lucy.

There is the chubby Cub's fan who yells at ME (thank you) because Lucy "aggravates" her two pit bulls (!!) -- personally I think she's just mad cause she's struggling so hard to jog. There is the group of little old silver haired ladies who took one look at Lucy and decided they just did not like her.

I used to either yell back or put on my stoniest face and forge on, but I'm getting better. When I see these haters, I'll now put Lucy on her leash. Unfortunately, the bike bully is probably going to have to continue to yell, as I never have enough advance notice to do anything about it.

All I can say is Karma, people. Watch out.

Here we go again

SOMEHOW the Giants managed to load up the bases.... BUT, there are two outs and Matt Cain, the pitcher, is hitting. I can only Laugh out Loud. Of COURSE he strikes out.

I have a sinking feeling I'll witness many similar situations throughout this season.

Are the Gods punishing Giants fans for....something? Did we poke too much fun at the Dodgers during the times when THEY were terrible and nowkarma is kicking us in the butt?

Guess the good news is Cain is a rockstar and he makes watching the Giants tolerable.

The Black Thumb

I bought a small hyacinth plant 2 weeks ago. The beautiful pink and peach flower called out to me. Every day, for the past two weeks, I've been carefully tending to my plant.... directions say it needs bright light, so my plant resides on the window sill in the kitchen where it should get the most sunlight of any other place in the house. I have been giving my plant approx. 3 tablespoons of a water/plant food mixture just to keep the soil moist, as per the directions.

Every morning, I've anxiously tended to my plant... with much trepidation. You see, I have never been very successful at keeping a plant alive. Ever.

In fact two weeks is probably a record for me.

Sure enough, this morning, I noticed the tell-tale signs of a plant that is dying.... the leaves are turning a bit yellow and the flower is showing signs of wilting.

(sigh)

Maybe I am better off sticking to technology.

Perspective

I just learned that a good friend of mine lost her ex-husband over the weekend. Apparently, he went skiing during a work trip to Denver. He went down a slope and didn't make it down alive. They are doing an autopsy but they speculate he had a heart attack. I heard the news 1/2 hour ago and I am sitting here with the chills and I can't focus on the work I should be doing.

My friend was in Hawaii at the time she got the news. She and her two daughters (age 17 and 13) had made plans for a fun-filled week away during Spring Break. I'm glad they are all together but what a shocking and tragic turn of events.

I met him last Sunday after she and I had gone hiking. He had suggested a hike the two of us should do in the future. I recall thinking, "what a pleasant, personable guy!", which surprised me because you never expect to like your friends' exes. He also seemed like a very healthy person...

My heart goes out to her daughters. I know exactly what's in store for them.... a future of wishing their dad "could see them now" at every juncture in their lives.

I feel a bit petty and shallow for my previous blog, written about an hour before I got the news. Gotta keep perspective. Life is precious.

Sucked in again

Those of you who read my blog regularly have a pretty good idea of my current frame of mind towards the Giants. I have not been looking forward to the start of this season.

Today, I happened to turn on the TV as I planned to squeeze in a quick workout on my elliptical machine at lunch. Oh, that's right! It's opening day at Dodger's Stadium today. Like a rubber necker driving by an accident scene, I could not resist keeping the game on in the background.

Within 5 minutes, I felt the surge of emotions return as I took in the green grass, blue skies, excited fans in the stands (even THOUGH it was Dodger Stadium). Baseball is back. No matter how much I rant & rave, scream, punch my pillow and blog with fierceness, I can't change the fact that I love this freaking sport and the Giants are my team.

MY TEAM.... That's right. OMG, they stink. It's now the 7th inning and they are losing 7 to NOTHING. I don't think any of them knows how to hit a ball.

Oh, it's gonna be a long season. The good news is I should get some good (angry) workouts in!

Lowering Expectations

I was pleasantly surprised this morning when I learned that Chris Russo, AKA Mad Dog, would be coming on my KNBR show today. I rubbed my hands with glee... how fun will this be in light of my current state of disgust with the Giants?

Chris Russo is a sportscaster at a radio station in NY who touts himself as the only SF Giants baseball fan on the East Coast. (These days, I wouldn't be surprised if he is right!)

Chris is known for his animated banter and has been known to rant and rave on air, especially when the topic is the Giants. As a fan, I have certainly always appreciated his zealousness. I thought this morning, if he gets crazed when the Giants are performing moderately well, he might just combust with anger given the Giants' current situation.

Turns out, he was surprisingly mellow on the show. Oh, don't worry, there was lots of ranting and I heard him say, "we suck" about 10 times.... but for Chris Russo standards, trust me, he was mellow. He actually had some good, constructive advice for management. Also, his message to fans was this: "find the good in the Giants this year." As a rose colored lens kinda gal, I am attracted to statements like this. He made some good points. His suggestion to management is to let the young kids play every day so they can mature into decent players, rather than continuing to let the aging, injury prone veterans play. After all, we've seen all those old guys have to offer.

He also gave the advice to fans, "lower your expectations". Of course!!! Lower expectations. I should have thought of that. I am thinking this is a good approach.... expect them to LOSE every game so that when they win, it is an exciting surprise. Genious! Chris Russo also announced on air that he intends to only watch the games when either Cain or Lincecum is pitching. I think I may adhere to that rule as well.

Thank you Chris Russo for setting me straight! I kinda feel like I just paid to see a therapist.

Snap out of it!

Wow. I just got done reading at least 20 anonymous womens infertility stories online. I feel like a nincompoop for complaining so much cause my situation is ridiculously insignificant compared to theirs. Most of the women I read about have been trying (with drugs, injections, IUI, and other advanced treatments) for over 6 months unsuccessfully. I'm crying to anyone who will listen cause I'm too darn impatient to wait for the freaking ovulation kit to give the "happy baby picture" (that's right, I bought the Mercedes Benz version ovulation kit.... no faded blue lines for me).

My heart goes out to these women who have spent an unbelievable amount of time, energy, and money trying to get pregnant. Many of the stories include mis-carriages. It is just heartwrenching and I cannot even begin to imagine what I would do in their shoes. It amazes me that these women still possess the inner strength to post their stories as well as the compassion to support and advise others in similar positions.

Just goes to show you the strength of a woman. Can you imagine if men had to endure such obstacles?

Things to Ponder

This is great...

Why is the fear of long words called hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

It's gonna be a long year

The Giants lost to their Triple A affiliate team in Fresno yesterday. Triple A Fresno is the minor league team that grooms players for the major league. I can only roll my eyes and laugh. What else is there to say? The G's are pretty much already slotted for last place in the National League and let's just hope they don't embarrass themselves too much this year.

Thank goodness for the Warriors!

My Morning Friends

I have these friends who keep me company on my daily morning walk with Lucy. While Lucy sniffs, explores and chases squirrels in the dark, I am entertained by my friends. They are with me from start to finish, at my command. I don't have to wait for them ever. They each have a unique personality, with different types of humor. I have been known to LOL (at the amusement of other trail walkers, I'm sure) at times. I don't have to talk, just listen and laugh. I know what to expect from each of them and the beautiful thing is I can do no wrong with these friends and they never ask a thing of me in return.

These friends of mine are the crew of the "Murph and Mac" morning show on KNBR 680. They don't know me of course, but oh, do I know them!

There is Brian Murphy (Murph), my favorite and who over the years I've developed a mild crush on. He's a man full of heart and personality. Paul McCaffery (Paulie Mac), is a fun loving, passionate guy with a talent for recording current event appropriate musical renditions for the show. Dan Dibley (Dibs) is their utility guy who does everything from report the daily traffic conditions to running ultra-marathons. Patrick Conner (P-Con) is their ultra talented producer who has a knack for inserting the most perfect sound bytes to complement Murph & Mac's witty dialogue.

My day is not complete without having spent 1 1/2 hours listening to their show. I know the timing of every segment: Top 10 news stories, business, traffic. Of course KNBR is a sports radio station so the majority of the time they are talking about a topic I love! I will have a pretty good idea of topics they will be discussing, based on how the various bay area sports teams performed the day before. If the Warriors win by 1 point at the buzzer, it's gonna be a fun day. If the Giants lose 15-0, it's gonna be a day filled with ranting and raving.

How lucky am I? How many gals can say they have such a great group of boypals?

Hello my name is Sheila. I am an Internet Junkie.

This made me laugh today,

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/87251

It is actually a notion I've thought a lot about and even pondered if I might be afflicted myself. I do have that intense need to be connected at all times. I feel genuinely lost without my "Crackberry" and it makes me crazy if I haven't checked email in the past hour.

Who knows what nuggets of information may be sitting in my inbox as of yet undiscovered?

The reality is, we're usually talking about a marketing email inviting me to check out the newest gadgets at Crate and Barrel or another "MyPoints" email presenting me with yet another opportunity to add 5 points (just for reading!) to my growing loyalty program account.

There is no better feeling than to receive an email from a friend inviting me to lunch, or an email from my favorite "email buddy", Kathy, with an update on what's going on in her life. Akin to winning a hand at BlackJack, I feel like a winner whenever I check for new mail on my cell phone and see the note "inbox: 1 of 5" signifying 5 new messages are coming in!

So, what do you think? Do I need to start thinking about going to Internet Junkies Anonymous? Maybe... but can we meet online instead?

House with the pointy roof

Went out with friends last Saturday. When I asked one of the husbands if they might be interested in meeting up the following day (Easter Sunday), he shook his head and said, "we have the house with the pointy roof tomorrow." Love it! This friend has the best sense of humor and I still laugh when I recall his words.



Yesterday, Amy and I hiked the ridge at the Lafayette reservoir. This is a pretty challenging 2 hour hike. We love it cause it is close to our homes and we can get the hike done in the morning and still have the afternoon for ourselves. Neither of us celebrates Easter so we were glad to have each other to share the day.



At one point in the hike, we noted that being out in the fresh air, breathing, taking in the beautiful scenery, while doing good for our bodies and souls is like being at church for us. Our house with the pointy roof....

Be good to yourself

I am kicking myself today, feeling disappointed. I made a promise to myself that I did not keep. There is definitely no worse sense of disappointment than feeling disappointed in yourself. I need to be stronger and stick to my commitments.



I just read my horoscope too, which actually makes me feel a bit better cause it's almost like it was meant to be, although I am not really much of a believer in astrology. Here it is:



"There is a lot of heavy emotional energy around you today and it could make you start feeling moody and slow. Don't worry about it. So what if you take a little longer to get ready this morning, or you're not quite as talkative as you usually are? The people who know and respect you aren't going to get upset about it, so why should you? Drink all the extra cups of coffee you want, your situation won't change. But in a few days, it will be over."



Guess the best I can do is apologize to myself. As we forgive, forget, and move on when it comes to friends and family, I gotta do the same for myself.

Carrie Fisher

We went to see Carrie Fisher at the Berkeley Rep last Saturday. What a treat! I had no idea she has led such a crazy life.... check out her bio .

The show was well presented and they did a great job of making you feel like you were a guest at Carrie's home listening to her tell her story. The stage was made up like her living room and Carrie dressed in lounge type attire strutted the stage chain smoking clove cigarettes and drinking diet coke. It was an entertaining aut0biography of Carrie's life. It is really quite amazing how sane and positive minded she is in light of all of the tumultuous and destructive events of her life.

At the end of the show, Carrie threw out a few quotes to leave us with. My favorite was: "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die". Good stuff.

Happy at Home

I have been a homebody this week. For some reason I haven't had much desire to go out and be social. Instead, I've been holed up at home pretty much all day (except for "walkie" with Lucy at 5am OF COURSE).

It's been great.... I had a chance to get this Blog more current and I created a website today, with the help of my smart, savvy husband.

Maybe I just needed some rest after a fun but busy week in Maui. But I also know I need to start taking better care of myself, eating well, limiting my alcohol intake and getting lots of rest.

I know myself, I go through phases. No doubt, in due time, I'll be out and about, booking engagements on the social calendar left and right.

Angry

It is Friday. I should be in a great mood but I am mad. Why? I feel silly even writing this but I am angry at the Giants management. Pete and I have given them so much money over the past 5 years and what have we gotten back? I know... it was our stupid decision to buy the season tickets, but their actions (or lack of action?) especially in the last year is despicable. At least when they were in playoff contention, we could overlook the expense. Lately, it seems as if they are trying to squeeze as much money as possible out of their fans... fans who are at the moment being quite patient with them during their "rebuilding" (floundering?) phase.

Here's an example: We previously owned 4 season tickets - note: not only did we have to purchase all of the tickets up front (payment due in December for a season that begins the following April), but we had to fork out $6k per seat initially in "charter license" fees (basically the right to continue to buy the tickets). Major rip off, I tell you. I digress.

We decided prior to this season to unload a pair of season tickets. The Giants offer an online marketplace for folks to buy/sell their season tickets and charter licenses. Pete posted the tickets on sale for $10k/pair. For months we didn't hear a peep. We started to lower the price... lower, lower. Finally we had a taker at $2k/pair. Uggggggh. We were happy simply that we found a sucker to buy our seats and would not have to pay out the fees for this season's tickets, but oh were we bitter.

Oh, by the way, in the event you don't buy the tickets for the season, you automatically lose your charter license rights...

The Giants online marketplace offers an e-commerce system so buyers can submit payment to the sellers and makes the whole transaction easy and quick. BUT, get this. They actually deducted a 10% service charge, not only to the seller but to the buyer too. Thus, the Giants made $400 out of our transaction just like that. %#$@!

Okay okay.... we made a bad business decision. Let's move on. The boys on the field should be our focus, right?

Well.... I'm listening to the radio this morning and learn that virtually everyone on the team is injured: Richie Aurilia, Durham (of course), Benjie Molina, Kevin Frandsen.... oh yes and Omar, (although he is a stud I'm not worried about him). Furthermore, they have not a clue who will be playing at third base. It is a joke. They have a few of the best pitchers in baseball but they can't figure out how to get players (who aren't ancient) to support them.

My heart goes out to the young stud pitchers like Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum. They bring a fresh faced, optimistic, yet competitive edge to the team, a sharp contrast from the aging, injury prone, tired Giants we've seen too much of over the past few years. These kids should be pitching for the Red Sox or the Yankees, earning their chance to win the Cy Young doing their thing with the assurance that the hitters will bring in the runs to gain the win. Instead, I fear that this year will be even worse than last year... I can't tell you how sick to my stomach I felt watching these two pitch their hearts out only for the Giants to lose the game 2 to nothing (of course the two opposing team runs would come in the 9th when one of the Giants' "pseudo-closers" would come into the game).

I'm not saying I know the answers but I do know that my interest in this team is waning quickly. I think the kicker for me is that Giants management is doing nothing at all to retain the sentiment of the typical fan. It wouldn't take much.... could you possibly send us coupons for $1 off a $9 beer? perhaps they could relax the season ticket rules so that season ticket holders don't feel so gouged year after year?

I get that they are rebuilding. There is no doubt in my mind that the Giants as a team will come back strong and someday be back in contention, but in the meantime, work with us!!

I confess I am a bore!

My husband has slowly but surely turned me into a sports geek. I vowed never to become such a "bore".... sadly I've become my worst enemy.

I never thought I'd choose to stay in and watch a crazy number of basketball games back to back than get together with friends for dinner. Shockingly, that happened to me today.

It started with the Giants in 2002 (come on we all remember the 2002 World Series)... lately, the Giants have just not been doing it for me. Don't get me started...They are still looking for a third baseman and the season starts next week!?!?!??!

Last year I got into the Warriors (Baron Davis, yeah baby!) and this year I could barely stand to miss a single game.

Noone was more surprised than me when, earlier this week, I found myself printing out NCAA Tourney brackets then researching the teams (and picking the brain of my lifelong sports geek hubby) so I could intelligently fill out my bracket picks. I filled out three different brackets and I can't say money is my objective cause I'm not betting on any of the games.

I just think I'm becoming a boring sports geek.

Wonder what's in store next year?

Blogging? My next addiction?

I have spent all morning working on my blog (please don't tell my boss!) --- I see now why Ayelet is so into it - I thought "how disciplined is SHE to write in her blog so regularly!" I am seeing now that it is fun and addictive. I am planning to attend the BlogHer Conference in SF in July. As I peruse the http://www.blogher.com/ site, I'm discovering that there are so many talented women out there who have created masterpiece blogs. Mine is pretty lame in comparison. Must change that. I CAN write SOMETHING at least once a day, right?!?!

Watch this space...

A Bold Move

I need to blog about this otherwise it won't happen. I'm giving up booze for a while.... for how long, not sure. But assuming giving up booze helps me become fertile/preggers, it could be a year or more! Yikes. Can I really do this? Timing is not good as baseball season is about to begin, then come the spring parties, then summer parties... The bottom line is no time is a good time so best to jump in with both feet.

That's right! no more Dierberg pinot noir binges with my favorite girl.... (SOB!)

Madness in Maui

What is it about the mother daughter relationship that is so.... um, special? I am certainly not an expert on the subject, but it always fascinates me that when I'm around my mother I am a completely different person than I am around my husband and friends.

I recently took a trip with my mother and my sister to my favorite destination : Maui, Hawaii.

Reflecting on the trip now, I feel very fortunate that we got to do this. It was a great trip and I have no regrets. There were some moments however...

I won a trip to Maui (my funny boss calls it the "Presidents Club" -- the reality is in a 4 person company, it doesn't quite hold the same meaning as it does when you win the Presidents Club at AT&T for example). Pete could not join me due to lack of vacation time and project demands. It has been COLD in the Bay Area. Thus, the decision was made.... Mom, Laura, we're going to Maui!

Laura and I started off quite nicely at the airport where we enjoyed two bloody mary's apiece -- at 10am to boot. What a fine way to start the trip.

I love flying to Maui cause everyone on the plane is in such great spirits and I really enjoy all of the conversations: "where are you staying?", "what's your favorite restaurant?", etc, etc. I love the energy. Laura and I sat next to two men who proceeded to DRINK (I counted 10 abolut vodka bottles before I lost count!) Turns out one of the men had just proposed to his girlfriend 15 hours prior. The girlfriend was seated up at the front with the other man's wife and a whole group of family members and friends traveling to Maui together from Wisconsin of all places (That is a LONG flight people but I get it - it is crazy cold in Wisconsin). They ended up buying Laura and I a couple of drinks and we got to know each other a bit. At one point, one of the women from the front came back to "inform" the groom the wedding had been fast-forwarded to a beach wedding in Maui! The guys drunkenly invited us to attend. We exchanged numbers and left the plane with promises to attend the wedding and act as witnesses. Btw, they never called!

Aaaaaahhhh.... Maui. Just love it. Mom had arrived two hours earlier and greeted us with lei's so we could get right into the spirit of the island. Mom is a sweetie.

By the time we settled in, it was well after 7pm and we were starving (or at least I was). We decided to eat at the restaurant at the resort and before too long we were seated at a perfect table overlooking the koi pond. This is when the "fun" begins. I have to say I haven't met a woman without food issues of some form.... but my family takes the cake. Backtrack 5 hours at the airport: we greet my mom and ask if she'd eaten lunch yet. Her response: "no, but that is good cause I will lose weight" WTF?!?! We are on VACATION, lady. As another side note, Laura is a bit sensitive at the moment cause she's put on some weight. So fast forward to dinner, Laura and I are pushing food on my mom like you won't believe, "appetizers immediately, Mom!" Mom pushes back saying, "oh, I'll just eat some oysters". It all pretty much went downhill from here. I love my mom but she just doesn't get it sometimes. The biggest buzzkill is when you order fatty fatty, greasy food and your dining companion orders a green salad. I'm exaggerating a bit, but #1. we are on vacation and #2. that just ain't cool. We managed to order some apps that we could all agree on thank god and dinner progressed. It gets worse. At one point, my mom says to Laura, "is your back pain due to the car accident you had 5 years ago, or is it.... (fill in the blanks, you KNOW what she was thinking). Again, clueless. Needless to say, Laura stormed off, my mom didn't want to eat and I became piggy wiggy eating the remnants of the food on the table. Not a good start to our girls trip.

Next morning, everyone seemed to have forgiven and forgotten. It was a gorgeous morning in Maui. We all went for walks along the beach (true peace), then decided to head to Whaler's Village for some shopping -- gotta get cute sundresses for the trip right? After a couple of hours of damage to our credit cards, we realized it was noon and we were hungry. We settled in at the Rusty Harpoon (this place always brings back awesome memories from our honeymoon). the second we sat down, I realized we were in trouble again. Laura looked at the menu and decided to order a cup of soup. Meanwhile, my mom orders a salad. I'm eying the pork sandwich with french fries. HELP ME! I gently ask them, "aren't you hungry?" Tears stream down Laura's face and she manages to say that she "can't eat" around mom. Yikes. At that moment I got really mad. What the hell?!? I chose these people to accompany me on the trip cause my husband couldn't. I was really starting to regret not inviting my favorite girlfriends instead. The rest of lunch was silent and after lunch, I opted to walk along the beach back to our resort rather than take the shuttle. As I walked along the sand (peace) many thoughts crossed me head, "should I go home and spend the week on excursions with Lucy instead?", "should I ship them home and make my friends fly out?", "should I get my own room and have a peaceful vacation all by myself?" I decided to clear my head and do my own thing at least for the afternoon.

I went to the pool bar, watched some basketball and enjoyed a tasty sugary Hawaiian cocktail. Later that afternoon, I came back to the hotel and gave them a piece of my mind. I have always been the agreeable daughter who nods her head and goes with the flow. It's funny how easy it is for us, even as grown adults, to revert back to our childhood comfort zones. I felt that last night and again this morning, I had become that quiet child who blends into the background, as I had been as a child. Meanwhile, Laura became the emotional, dramatic, ubersensitive child while my mom bent over backwards and did somersaults to smooth things over, trying at all costs to make amends with Laura, leaving me feeling empty and disconnected.

As like much of my childhood, I had begun to feel invisible on MY vacation. Unfortunately it is what it is. Those are the dynamics of this threesome. No matter how much we all try, the force lurks below the surface.

After an afternoon clearing my head and getting a grip on the fact that I'm a successful, mature adult, I realized I needed to stand up for myself. It worked wonders. Both of them apologized profusely and swore to me that the rest of the trip would be smooth. We all put the events of the first two days behind us.

From that point on, the trip was a major blast. That night at dinner mom even drank two Lava Flow drinks (of course she had no idea of the caloric count involved!)

The next day we went for a drive up north to see the beautiful beaches above Kaanapali. I realized that day that Laura and mom have much more in common than I'd thought. The two of them bonded in their own way over the beautiful flowers we encountered at every juncture. They decided to take pictures of the exotic flowers and create a screensaver slideshow to remember the trip. Very cute. To be honest, I was terribly bored during that process! We had a fabulous lunch at the Plantation House (note to self, must yelp). We all agreed that everything we tasted was the best we'd ever had: spicy pepper bloody mary (made with Absolut peppar), the grilled romaine caesar salad (heavenly), mango flavored ice tea. Their selection was not great. They had mahi mahi ONLY for their fish. You could get ahi but it was only available as part of a tuna melt. We then drove up the coast and hiked over to the Blowhole. The highlight was on the way back we passed a couple of locals hanging out in a pickup truck and they offered us marijuana for sale. After a bit of shopping in Lahaina (oh yes, there was an episode there, ask the lady who works at the ice cream shop - it's a secret so unfortunately I can't reveal what happened!) we ended the day with a fabulous sushi feast at the Hyatt Regency. I still have dreams about their amaebi, the best I've ever had.

Day 4. We had planned to drive to Hana. The concierge suggested we leave between 7 and 8am. Because we are freaks, we woke up at 5am and left the resort at 5:30. We made great time, and true to word, there were some beautiful sights along the drive. But I have to say, Hana itself? No. Complete waste of time. I am guessing we missed some turn off that would have led us to the fabulousness that Hana is known for, but we got to the end called, "Hana Beach" and it was a dinky, rocky beach that featured a dilapidated looking snack shack where a big Hawaiian mama dished out items like spam sandwiches and ice cream bars. Luckily we got there so early that we were able to bust outta there quickly, completely avoiding all of the tourists and bad traffic. We managed to drive back to the West side by noon -- just in time for lunch in Lahaina! Yipeee! We also made reservations to come back to the area for dinner at the Lahaina Grill (formerly called David Paul's) -- I HIGHLY recommend this restaurant, it was hands down the best meal we had in Maui. My mom, the foodie, could not stop raving. She must have informed us "this meal is FABULOUS, I tell you" 10 times (yes alcohol was involved).

Day 5. We decided that for our last full day, we should take advantage of our great resort and stay local. Laura and I had talked about possibly going snorkeling, but the day got away from us. After more shopping in Lahaina for those last minute gifts and souvenirs, we ended up lounging by the pool.... that's the life!

For our final dinner, we dined at The Hula Grill -- another favorite from our Honeymoon. What a perfect ending to our trip. The sunset photo shown at the start of this entry was taken from the Hula Grill. I will miss the sunset at Kaanapali Beach. Our dinner was fabulous and the service was perfect. They did screw up my beef order (I had asked for medium rare and it arrived quite overcooked). Our waitress took one look at my steak, whisked the plate away and promised to replace it. Unfortunately, they were out of that particular cut, so they brought me an even nicer steak cut for dinner. It was delicious.

The next morning, up at the crack of dawn. I don't think any of us ever quite adjusted to the Hawaiian time zone. We got to the airport at 8:30am, crazy early. Laura and I were supposed to leave at 11:30am and mom to leave at 1:30pm. Well..... first we found out that our flight on ATA would be delayed 13 hours! (I immediately started to make mental plans for myself to stay another night and leave the next day, cause I would not have minded one bit!) The folks at the counter told us they were researching alternative flights and the good news is that since we were the very first in line, we would get first choice. So, we waited. Fortunately (unfortunately?) there was a handy dandy airport gift shop right across from where we had to wait in line. So Laura and I took turns going in and we each got suckered in to buying all the stuff that we'd avoided buying during our trip up until that point (macadamia nuts, flower leis, soap that smells like pineapple) -- dang that sales girl was good! Finally we learned that we'd been placed on a flight on Aloha Airlines leaving at 1:30, perfect.

Meanwhile, mom had gone to the United counter, smiled and batted her eyelashes at a sweet elderly Japanese man and gotten herself switched to a flight leaving at 12:30pm. Go mom!

We decided to head through the security gate and wait upstairs. At this point, things do get a bit, shall we say.... interesting.... but yet again, it's a secret and I'm not allowed to talk about it on a public forum. Needless to say, we had a very extraordinary lunch at the upstairs bar & grill. Ok, so we almost got kicked out of the restaurant.... but now I'm saying way too much and must end this blog entry very very soon. Email me privately and I'll fill you in. : )

We did get home safe and sound to our wonderful families.

I can't speak for Laura or mom, but as for me, I have simply the best memories of our trip to Maui. Truly an unforgettable experience.

Lucy gets SKUNKED

Middle of the night... 1/2 asleep I sniff. P.U.! What is that? Oh no..... SKUNK. My peaceful dreams ruined by putridity. Pete had let Lucy out to "do her business" and the crazy dog managed to get skunked. Not so much fun at 1:00 am. 1 hour later after madly researching "how to get rid of skunk smell", a 1/2 hour bath I try to get back to sleep. Unfortunately the smell of skunk lingers.... Life with Lucy. Never dull.

Lucy for Mayor

Why can't Lucy run for mayor? I have never known anyone who has more popularity amongst a wide array of people from all walks of life. She certainly does not discriminate based on race, sex, financial status or any other criteria.

Like most politicians, Lucy is quite happy to accept bribes and gifts from the public.

Lucy is committed to the cause to eliminate squirrels from the town of Alamo. Unfortunately, she has yet to actually catch one (she would have no idea what to do if she actually caught one) but she sure ain't gonna stop trying.

Lucy is also committed to doing her part to keep the trails clean. With her nose to the ground, she'll find that last piece of garbage or scrap of food and make sure it is "disposed" of.

Lucy can work a crowd. If presented with a group of people to greet, she is quite adept at ensuring everyone gets a "kiss".

Lucy for Mayor!

The drug called sports

I'm sitting here on a BEYOOOTIFUL Sunday afternoon listening to the Warriors/Timberwolves game on the radio - how pathetic is that? I feel a bit lame, but it is what it is.

The Warriors are in the "playoff chase". As a die hard Giants fan, I ain't experiencing such an occasion anytime in the near future...

So what does the addictive personality do? Find the next best thing -- basketball in the Bay Area. It's pretty exciting I have to admit. I found myself tempted to purchase tickets to Baron Davis' bday party, to occur tonight at Mezzanine in the city. Of course as a person who listens to the radio at 3pm on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, I have no idea what Mezzanine is but I'm assuming it's a hot night spot in the city. If I weren't so old and didn't have to wake up for work at oh 4 AM, I'd go. Seriously. I am tempted.

Instead, I will be good. I have plans to walk with a friend in a local suburban area, maybe enjoy a glass of wine on a patio somewhere then prepare for yet another OH SO FUN work week (the caps are an attempt to demonstrate the sarcasm in my voice!) - but how much fun would it be to dance and get down with Baron Davis and his teammates... grrrrr!

Ok the Warriors just won the game, but icing on the cake will be the moment when the Kings beat the Clippers, with whom the Warriors are neck and neck with in the chase for a Playoff berth.

Thanks to Ayelet who re-introduced me to the world of blogging. It is quite therapeutic indeed! Time to refill the wine glass.